The Onion: Israel, Palestine Now Fighting Over Cemetery Space

This article made me laugh. "So many martyrs for almighty Allah and His blessed prophet Mohammed have sacrificed their lives so that we might someday lose ours," The Onion

JERUSALEM—After decades of bitter conflict and the loss of thousands of innocent lives, Israeli and Palestinian forces clashed once again this week, with each side laying claim to a five-mile stretch of desperately needed cemetery space.

Fighting over the disputed territory, which is located on the easternmost border of the Gaza Strip, has thus far resulted in more than four dozen casualties. According to sources, the swath of cemetery space is being called the rightful burial home of both the Israeli and Palestinian people.

"Israel has always been the deathplace of the Jews," said Moshe Abrahim, a religion professor at Bar-Ilan University. "My father was killed here, and his father and mother, and both of his uncles before him were killed here. To have this area occupied by Palestinian bodies is an insult to our great history."

....

Added Abrahim, "I'd sooner die than give up my God-given grave."

The first episodes of violence over the narrow strip of cemetery began early Monday morning when a Palestinian suicide bomber detonated himself outside of a Jewish mausoleum, leaving one dead and outraging hundreds. In response, Israel launched a series of swift air strikes, destroying six Palestinian funeral homes and killing an estimated 15 pallbearers.

Unfazed by the counterattack, Islamic extremists vowed never to surrender, and said they would continue to perish "for as long as it takes."

"So many martyrs for almighty Allah and His blessed prophet Mohammed have sacrificed their lives so that we might someday lose ours," said Ali Akhtar, leader of the terrorist organization known as Islam's Undertakers. "Palestine will not rest until each and every one of its sons has a place beneath this glorious land. Our day of victory is at hand!"